My Toothbrush Alice Part 2

Alice part 2

I look back now and I wonder, how did I cope with that world? I wonder how I got from day to day with my small backpack stuffed full of everything that mattered; plus my work uniform. I could not work without my uniform and I could never have explained to my manager that I could not go home today to get it because today was a ‘bad day’. So, I carried my uniform to school every day; sometimes we were called in unexpectedly… I would do anything not to have to explain that today… well… today was a ‘bad day’.

There were many days at school where I felt like I was two people. One was the hard working, smart girl who always had everything done on time (again with the avoiding of having to explain why homework wasn’t done if it was a ‘bad day’). The other me was watching it all. The other me observed it all and wondered. I wondered if anyone else hadtheir toothbrush in their school bag, I wondered if anyone else was scared about going home and I wondered, always wondered if, when I got home it was a ‘bad day’.

On a good day, our family was what my mother wanted it to be; a happy and content family with pretty children and loving parents. But on a ‘bad day’, well on a ‘bad day’ it was anything but this pretty façade. On a bad day there was yelling, on a bad day toys were missiles, my mother was quivering, my little sister was crying and I was lost.

My partner and I have both emerged from ‘bad days’. We are carefully building a life which is safe, a life where a 'bad day' means you need a cup of tea and an early night, a life where our children; when they come along, do not need to take their toothbrush to school.